My Parenting Theories, Just for Fun

I recently read a parenting article where some of the ideas just rubbed me the wrong way. I could see what it was trying to say, but it was not worded well. So I started thinking what I would write if I were to write a parenting article. Now you get to know what I would write too! (Because I know you were just dying to know.) I'm just going to keep this simple and bullet point a few of the principles I try to follow. Parenting should be simple. Not easy, but simple.

1. Love your child no matter what. Everything you do has to be done in a loving way, or it is wasted energy in terms of helping your children. I have had to pray fervently for many years to start to feel what it might be like to love my children unconditionally. I am nowhere close to loving perfectly, but I am starting to get a glimpse of the love I can feel if I continue asking the Lord to fill my soul with His love.

2. Give your children as much autonomy as the can handle. Let them learn to entertain themselves. Boredom is good. Let them do work that they are old enough to handle. Let them go out and do things when they are emotionally mature enough. But don't give them more autonomy than they can handle. It increases by degree as age increases. If you give children too much autonomy they won't thank you. They will think you don't love or care for them.  Be available for your children. Don't be there at their beck and call. Don't follow them around with a mop waiting to clean their messes. But be around. Have your projects and things you do, but make sure that they are things you can easily put down at a moments notice when your child needs something. And I mean NEEDS, not wants.

3. Lead by example. By this I mean that if you want something for your children or if you want them to do a certain thing, you better be doing it. For example, if you want your child to be happy while working, you need to model that. If you want your children to be productive with their time then you better be productive with yours. If you want your child to learn an instrument, then you should learn one if you haven't already. This takes a lot of planning, and dedication, but it is worth it.

4. Do what you say you are going to do. This can be taken, and is meant, many different ways. Firstly, if you promise your children something you should do it. Unless circumstances change, which they sometimes do. Secondly, I mean don't give any warning unless you intend to fully and immediately follow through. Kids need to know you mean business.

5. It's ok for kids to cry and throw tantrums. It isn't our job as parents to stop our children from their tantrums. It is our job to ignore it and let the kid figure out how to control him/herself. Just leave the room and let them figure it out. If you try to console them it just adds fuel to the fire. If your child likes to bang her head on the floor while she cries, just put a pillow under it.

6. Let natural consequences carry the day, unless your child could get seriously hurt. I'm not going to tell you what natural consequences to give, that's up to you. Ok, one example is that if a child is abusing a toy, take it away for goodness sake.

7. Chores, chores, chores. Actually, more of working together until they are a certain age, and then giving them stewardships. The only way for a person to learn how to work is to do it with someone.

8. Keep things as simple as possible. Keep clutter and toys to a minimum. Keep the tv off as much as possible with young children. Have a basic routine so you minimize the ammount of decisions you have to make in a day. I don't say this because I heard it somewhere. I say this because I have been simplifying over the last few months and my children have completely changed for the better. I wouldn't believe it if I didn't see it for myself.

Give yourself fully to being a parent. I used to be afraid of losing myself as a mother. But I finally gave in, and let myself fully engage as a mother. By doing that I found myself. Don't hold back. Give it your all, and you will be happy. If you find yourself in the downward spiral of wanting more time for yourself and being angry that children demand so much from you, then check your selfishness level. Selfishness destroys much, and I let it get the best of me for a while. That is not a happy life. The only way to be happy is to immerse yourself in the parental experience. No holds barred. Love completely, give your all, and enjoy the time you have.

Those are my bullet points (at least what I could think of for now). What are yours? It's worth a lot of considering.